“We have a chance to repair negative hearing during the month of Av.”
Dear Friend – Shalom and blessings from Ascent and holy Tsfat,
A true story:
Even small cities in Israel have their own chief rabbi. Part of his job is to officiate at weddings. Even if he is not officiating, he tries to go to as many weddings as possible to be part of the spiritual backdrop of the community.
So it was no surprise that one evening the chief rabbi of a certain city asks his driver to pick him. They arrive at the hall before the chupah ceremony, go straight to where the bride and her family and friends are sitting, and the rabbi wishes them a sincere Mazal Tov. Then off to the groom’s side – out of towners. It is very noisy. A lot of people talking. The band playing. The driver is standing behind the rabbi and it is impossible to hear what he says, but he hears the father of the groom say, “Nobody called you”.
The driver is shocked. He can understand that not everyone sees eye to eye. The father of the groom is himself a well-known scholar but if the chief rabbi of a town comes to your son’s wedding, this is not a way to speak. Not knowing how to respond, the driver accompanies the rabbi back to the car and takes him home.
Now finally allowed to think through what happened, the driver decides that something must be done. Such outrageous behavior is unacceptable. Even before his work day began the team had already met, written a letter of objection and as soon as the rabbi comes into the office, the driver is there, letter in hand to get the rabbi’s approval.
The rabbi asks, “What is this?” The driver responds, “Rabbi, we know you are a great, humble man but it is not acceptable how the father of the groom spoke to you yesterday.” “What are you talking about?” asks the rabbi. The driver responds, “Rabbi, I was there. I heard him say, ‘Nobody called you.’ How dare he speak to you that way!”
The rabbi starts laughing. “You made an error, but I will explain. That Torah scholar is an old friend of 40 years. We were in yeshiva together. As soon as he arrived in town yesterday morning he came to see me at home. I told him I was planning to come to the hall to wish him mazal tov. He said great, but there is one small problem. I forgot my cell phone. I told him, I can take care of that. Take my phone. I almost never use it. just let me know if someone rings me. So when I got to the hall the first thing he said to me was, ‘Nobody called you….’”
Not everyone realizes that the fast of the 9th of Av (on Thursday August 27th) is about more sad events than just the destruction of the holy Temple. It was also the day that the spies [see Bamidbar/Numbers chapters 13 & 14] reported on their spying journey to the holy Land. Caleb ben Yefuneh stood up and said, “WE CAN DO THIS!” But the rest of the spies said, “NO WE CAN’T!” And the Jewish people listened to them, not trusting that G-d would take care of them. We have a chance to repair negative hearing during the month of Av.
The spiritual power of the Jewish month of Av is to hear in a positive way.
How we hear is up to us. If a person speaks to us in a sad or angry way, hold back, don’t respond in kind. It’s possible they are tired or sad, and that they are really saying that they need us to be sensitive to them. If a person speaks poorly about someone else, even if it is true, how much more so if it is not, say to them, “This is lashon harah [negative speech] and please stop”. If a person is encouraging me to go down a level in my Judaism, turn it around and encourage them to go up a level.
Just this Shabbat, Nadav Tamir had the privilege of speaking to one of Ascent’s four groups, 50 Nefesh b’Nefesh Sherut Leumi young women. These are all young people who decided at the age of 18 to make aliyah and do something important for the Jewish people. Talking about life’s challenges and the need to be strong, he briefly mentioned something about light that illuminates darkness but something even more powerful, light that comes from the darkness!!
On motzei Shabbat one of the girls told him that this teaching was the most important part of the program for her.
How we hear is everything.
Chodesh Tov!
Shaul Leiter