Love, Marriage and a Moment of Kindness
The 15th of the month of Av is known as Tu B’Av– a day of happiness, related to marriage. Said Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel: “There were no greater festivals for Israel than the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur. On these days, the daughters of Jerusalem would go out… and dance in the vineyards. And what would they say? ‘Young man, raise your eyes and see which you select for yourself…’” (Talmud, Taanit 26b).
A newly married couple start their life together on a solid foundation. “.. I believe that Rabbi Moshe’s small kindness changed our lives. If you are given an opportunity, use it.
…” I want to share with you how a small kindness can make a big impact for a lifetime. Chaya Bracha and I were married on the 10th of Ellul, 5739 (September 2, 1979) in Crown Heights, a neighborhood in Brooklyn, New York.
Our chuppah (ceremony) was just outside the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s office. After spending an incredibly inspiring High Holiday period with the Rebbe, we began preparations to make aliyah, to start our married life in Tsfat, Israel.
Even though there were no longer annual private audiences (yechidut) with the Rebbe for individuals and families, anyone returning to Israel was still able to make an appointment. We were told to be there at 10pm on a weekday evening a few days after Simchat Torah.
There were about fifty people waiting on line, more coming all the time, up and down the corridors outside the Rebbe’s inner sanctum, called Gan Eden HaElyon (the upper Gan Eden). The waiting area immediately outside the Rebbe’s door was called Gan Eden HaTachton (the lower Gan Eden). The whole feeling there was very solemn.
Almost like Yom Kippur. Everyone spoke in whispers. Even though we waited for hours I clearly remember not even noticing the passage of time, the anticipation was so great.
Rabbi Chaim Mordechai Aizik Hodakov z”l, the Rebbe’s chief secretary, would walk up and down the line. Rabbi Leibel Groner z”l (who passed away just recently), the Rebbe’s assistant, walked from person to person, making sure you were supposed to be there, that you were ready to go in on short notice but especially demanding that by no means was anyone allowed to give in a note, (called a kvittle, which detailed what blessings you hoped the Rebbe would give you).
This was very disappointing to us. But he said it so fiercely, it was obvious that no discussion or exceptions were allowed.
(Rabbi Groner z”l was actually an exceedingly kind man). As Rabbi Groner z”l walked around, another chassid, Rabbi Moshe Kotlarsky, a member of the Rebbe’s logistics team, also passed by. He had helped me with something personal a month before (that is another story) and stopped to say hello. We mentioned how disappointing it was not to be able to give the Rebbe a note. Without hesitating, he told me not to be foolish.
We had just married, it was right after the holidays and we were going to Israel. We must write to the Rebbe. Chaya Bracha and I argued about this detail and that but were finally ready, ourselves and our note, when we were called to go in. From the solemnness of the corridor to the warmth and nonphysical light of the Rebbe’s attentive presence.
The shift was indescribable. So many people have said it, but I will say it again. You felt like you and Rebbe were the only people in the world. The Rebbe read the note, and looked at us. And started talking. I felt like angels were swirling around our heads. Thank G-d Chaya Bracha remembered what the Rebbe said. “May you fulfill your life’s mission – may you be living examples for others – may you have a home that is eternal and a shining example of Yiddishkeit for all – may you have zera chaya v’kayama (may your children live and prosper) – may you have success materially and spiritually.
All the blessings together. Something about our families. Something about Israel. Something about bringing the redemption. Maybe the Rebbe would have said it all without the kvittel. Maybe not. But I believe that Rabbi Moshe’s small kindness changed our lives.
If you are given an opportunity, use it.
Wishing you a joyous and sweet month of Av.
Rabbi Shaul Leiter