“Must be bad news…”
Cheshvan is the first month after the High Holidays. A main theme of the month is “And Yaakov went on his way” (Genesis/Bereishit 32:2). Each of the Jewish people is called Yaakov and our mission after the High Holidays is to take the lessons we learned and bring them into our daily lives. One person realized he can actually talk to G-d when he prays. There are those who will begin to hear G-d talking to them as they move through their mundane activities. Another begins to notice G-d in the details. It might just be an ability to start asking questions about ourselves and our path. Or it might be sharing the message with others. One way or another, if you are reading this newsletter you went through a transformation.
I certainly was transformed. On Yom Kippur all my sins were washed away. Every day of Sukkot in the Sukkah G-d was hugging me and us, putting His hands around our back, literally taking in every part, even what we try to hide, what we want no one to see, the imperfect yet-to-be completed parts. Revealing the inner diamond. Every minute of Simchat Torah was just being G-d’s vehicle. So connected, all I wanted to do was reveal light in the world. The feeling was thrilling. But even then, I knew it would not last.
Jewish tradition teaches that one can’t always be in a state of advancing, of a spiritual high. Part of pushing ahead is the retreat. The retreat not only allows us to integrate what we learned when we were up. The Ba’al Shem Tov teaches that the retreat is also about going back to elevate the sparks we left behind. But retreats can be hard and confusing. The doubts well up. The confusion. Where did the newly gained strengths go? I thought I was invincible. Where am I now? Some people forget the teaching. They get lost and fail to climb back out. We have to take care. Be aware.
It happened a week after Simchat Torah. One small thing after another and my confidence began to wane. I wanted to leave the office and find an empty field to meditate in, bring back the thrill. But sometimes you just can’t. Then the mail came. On top of the pile was The Letter. The letter I had been dreading. And it was thick. Must be bad news. Really bad news. Then I remembered another teaching of the Ba’al Shem Tov. Transform the world by sweetening the negative judgements at their spiritual source. You see something bad coming at you. Stop it by imagining positive outcomes, replacing the darkness with light. Even higher is to realize that nothing bad comes from Heaven and be happy in spite of all the fears.
So I held the envelope in my hand and meditated with all my might. And then I opened it. On top was a note from a woman who worked in that particular place, who had been to Ascent for one of the holidays, writing to tell us how special it had been. She had inadvertently taken a pamphlet from the dining room and wanted to return it with a message of thanks and blessings for the coming year. The light was revealed.
In college, someone once handed me a copy of a book by Carlos Castaneda. I only read one line. I can’t tell you exactly what it said, but this is what I remember.
When you are walking, do not hold anything in your hands. Swing your arms back and forth. Because when you are really on the way, you let go of all your old baggage. You are free. When you are “on your way” nothing can stop you from reaching your goal. Chodesh means month but it also means renewal (from the Hebrew root for chadash “new”). You are a new person with nothing weighing you down.
Chodesh Tov. Shaul
[To learn more life-changing teachings of the Ba’al Shem Tov, join our Sunday Zoom class. For details, see “Stay Connected” in this newsletter]